Should you tell?

So I was watching (in bits and pieces) this movie – Sex and the City 2. So the girls manage to get an all expense paid trip to Abu Dhabi as some Sheik’s guests. And while she is exploring the markets of Abu Dhabi, Carrie bumps into her ex – Aidan, who offers to host her for dinner at his hotel. Initially, she does not want to meet up with him and ignores the request, does not call back. But then she is triggered into thinking about where her marriage is heading, and impulsively, not only calls up Aidan to accept the dinner invitation, but also makes extra effort to dress up (maybe subconsciously wanting to see if she is still attractive to him).

So the evening goes on quite well, both catch up on the years spent apart. They then decide to take a walk around and end up kissing. Carrie wakes up to the moment instantly and rushes back to her hotel. She is then torn apart with the most important decision – should she or should she not tell her hubby. The girls advice her not to, saying since it didn’t mean anything, she should not rock the boat. But her conscience tells her the opposite and she calls him up and confesses. He does not react immediately and hangs up. Some other developments with the girls cause them to leave Abu Dhabi early next morning and Carrie has no idea what John is thinking and whether he wants to accept her. She reaches home and he is not in. She waits on tenterhooks. Finally, he does come home with a lovely diamond ring, they have a quick discussion and thats the end of this chapter.

This particular story, made me wonder, whether one really should be 100% honest with your partner? The girls brought up a good point saying if something did not mean anything, if it was momentary and if you realised in time and got out of it, there is no point in rocking the boat. Why risk an existing, solid relationship? Carrie advocated the fact that no matter what the outcome, one has got to be super honest with the spouse. She risked her marriage, but her honesty did pay off. 

I think, no matter what the circumstance, you’ve got to be honest to yourself and to your partner. Thats the only way to build trust. We are humans, and we do get carried away by our moods. Not matter what lines we end crossing in haste or in the “heat of the moment”, the partner deserves to know. Everything can hide for sometime, but never forever. And when someone finds out about your sins through a source that is not you, it hurts irreparably. When you own up to your mistakes, it is easier to see your point, forgive and move on. However, when it is found out through someone else, there seems to be no explanation to hide, no feelings to understand and is very difficult to move on.

So yes, you should tell. Then it is for your partner to decide – don’t decide for him/her because at the end of the day, you are separate people with different judgements.

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2 thoughts on “Should you tell?

  1. And the argument continues…
    I think taking a more pragmatic view of situations is necessary, esp in today’s life when you have more than 1 thing to worry about. Should you cause people more grief than they already have to deal with? Truth be told, but if you are separate people, you also have different thresholds of pain, tolerance and forgiveness.

    • Well, I think, nobody has the right to decide what is the other person’s threshold of pain, tolerance and forgiveness. That is for the person him/herself. And if they have given the right to decide, then they deserve to know when they have been failed, coz someone with the right to decide such things will never, even in a state of madness, do something that causes grief.

      All said and done, you now know what I want – to be told upfront (if something ever does happen), and I know what you want – to be revealed if it doesn’t cause you grief (again, should I ever fail you). So we’ll keep that in mind and have a lovely marriage 🙂

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